Thursday
Today, we went by grandma’s house with the school bus. Someone covered it with toilet paper last night, I wasn’t really surprised about it.
Somehow I felt sorry, because it’s definitely gonna take a long time to clean it up. On the other hand, grandma definitely hasn’t experienced anything like this as a retiree.
Wednesday
In the third hour, our PE teacher Mr. Underwood announced that the boys are going to learn wrestling for the next six weeks.
If there’s one thing boys at my school are good at, it’s wrestling. Mr. Underwood kinda threw a bomb into the crowd there.
After PE we had recess and the cafeteria was a pure madhouse.
No idea how the school thought when they decided to teach wrestling.
I’ve decided that if I don’t want to get slammed in the next one-and-a-half month, I should finish my homework better, especially anything regarding wrestling.
So I lent two wrestling video games and wanted to learn a few tricks. After a few moments, I think I’ve got it.
Does that feel rightt?
YES! NO! HELP!
The other boys in my class should be more careful, because if this goes on, I can be really dangerous.
On the other hand, I don’t want to be TOO good. A boy called Andy Loch was sporter of the month for once, because he played best in the basketball tournament, and they hung up his picture in the corridors.
It took them about five seconds to check how “A. Loch” sounds when someone says it loud, and that was it for Andy.
Thursday
Today I realized that the type of wrestling Mr. Underwood talked about is TOTALLY different from the one in the TV.
First, you had to put on a thing called “jumpsuit”, which looked incredibly similar to the typical 1800s swimwear.
There weren’t any rings with lines on the edge. Essentially, it was just a sweaty mat that looked ancient, as if it had been used for a long time.
The hour began with Mr. Underwood trying to find a volunteer to demonstrate a few moves. There’s no chance I’m going!
I and Rupert wanted to hide behind the curtains on the other side of the stadium, but the girls immediately found us.
We got out quickly and joined the other boys.
Mr. Underwood chose me of course, somehow because I’m the skinniest in the class. So he could easily throw me without tiring himself. He showed the other boys some moves that had weird names, like “axle throw”, “singing handle” or “leg wrenches”.
When he was showing us a move called “firefighter”, I farted slightly. And then I knew it, my jumpsuit wasn’t really tight.
At that moment, I was so glad that the girls were on the OTHER side of the stadium.
Mr. Underwood sorted us into weight groups. I felt really happy about that, because that meant I didn’t have to go against people who weighed 110 kilograms like Benny Wells.
But then, when I knew who I was facing, I really wanted to switch for Benny Wells.
Your partner would be Finley, Greg.
Finley was the only one in my weight group. And apparently he really paid attention when Mr. Underwood showed the moves. Because he wrecked me from every single side. For the whole hour, I REALLY got to know Finley.
Tuesday
All the wrestling classes really put our school upside-down. Now, the boys are wrestling in the classrooms, simply everywhere! But the first quarter of recess is the worst.
You can’t go two meters without seeing someone wrestling. I simply tried to avoid them. Because I swear to you, if it goes on like this, one of them will directly roll into the stinky cheese, and then everything with the cheese finger will continue.
My other problem is that I have to wrestle with Finley every single day. But I thought of something this morning. When I enter a higher weight class, I don’t have to face Finley anymore.
So I stuffed my hoodie with every sock and shirt that I have, to try and get into a higher weight class.
But I was still too thin.
That means, I had to really get heavier. At first I thought I would just drench myself with fast food, but then a much better idea came up.
I wanted MUSCLES, not fat.
I wasn’t really interested in getting fit, but all the wrestling business got me thinking about it.
If I exercise regularly now, maybe that’ll come in handy later on.
Because we’ll be playing football in PE in spring. And we are sorted into “shirts” and “naked-top” teams. And somehow, I ALWAYS lands in “naked-top”.
I think they do this just to see the unfit boys get embarassed about themselves.
But if I could manage to grow muscles, things are definitely going to change in April.
Greg Heffley, you’re playing in shirts.
Today I told mom and dad my plan after dinner. I said that I’ll be needing a few weights and equipments.
I showed them a magazine I bought, just to let them know how fit I wanted to go for.
At first, mom didn’t say much about it, but dad found it great. I think he was just happy that my views have changed:
If you train, you’ll grow muscles!
Muscles are so awful!
but mom said, if I want to have barbells, I have to first prove that I can stand a full training program. She said I should do squats and push-ups for two weeks.
I tried to tell her that if you wanted to grow actual muscles, you have to use the high-tech equipments that gyms provided. But mom clearly didn’t want to know anything about that.
Dad said if I wanted a barbell, I should just wait until Christmas.
But there’s still one-and-a-half months till Christmas, and if I face Finley again in PE, I’m gonna throw a fit.
Mom and dad are obviously no help at this point. So I’ll have to take matters into my own hands.
Saturday
I can’t wait to start with my body-building-program today. Even if mom didn’t want to buy the equipments, we could still somehow make it work.
so I looked in our fridge and emptied the two big buckets of milk and juice and filled them with sand. Then I taped them to a stick and there it is, my barbell!
Then I got an ironing board and a few boxes and handcrafted a bench. And now, the program can start.
But I needed a training partner, so I called Rupert. But when he appeared in front of the door with this fully feminine sport suit, I immediately knew it was a grave mistake to call him over.
I let Rupert try out the bench first, because I wanted to know if it could withstand the weight.
After about five minutes he wanted to quit, but I wasn’t gonna let that happen. And that’s when the training partner come in: to cheer one to their goal!
Fifteen to go! Start!
I knew that Rupert wasn’t gonna take the whole thing as seriously as me, so I’m testing his endurance.
In the middle of his training session, I went and put on a fake mustache Rodrick used for his play.
And when Rupert was trying to lift upwards, I went into his view.
Yup, Rupert TOTALLY lost his concentration. He couldn’t lift the barbell anymore. At first I wanted to help him, but then I realized it: If Rupert doesn’t take the training seriously, he’s not gonna reach the same level as me.
Finally I freed him, after he tried, by biting the lids on the buckets and letting the sand out.
As Rupert finished, I was ready to go. But then he said that he’s not interested in training anymore and went home.
At the moment I thought it was nothing. You can’t have such high expectations on others than on yourself.
Wednesday
Today we had a test on geography, and I have to say, I’ve been waiting for it for a long time.
It was about the cities of the USA and I was sitting in the very back and happened to be (very conveniently) under a huge map, on which all the cities were written and exaggerated with a thick marker. Then I kenw it: it was pure happiness!
But when the test was going, Patty Farrell in the first row suddenly started speaking.
Teacher! Teacher!
And then she told Mr. Ira that he should cover the map before the test.
Thanks for the tip, Patty!
And thanks to Patty I completely blew my exam. I’m definitely gonna get revenge on her some time!
Thursday
Today, mom went into my room with a flyer in the hand. When I saw it, I IMMEDIATELY knew what was going on.
It was a notice that our school was going to put on a theater show in winter. Man, I should’ve thrown it away when I saw it on the kitchen table.
I BEGGED her not to let me participate. This school activity is almost always a musical, and the last thing I need is being forced sing alone in front of the whole school.
But all my begging only deepened mom’s forcing me in.
Mom said that I’m only gonna be “versatile” if I try different things.
Dad came up to see what was happening. I said to him that mom was forcing me to join the activity, and if I still had to go to the rehearsal, I’m not gonna have extra time for the body building program.
I knew it: with that, dad was on my side. Mom and dad argued for a while, but dad usually is the loser in these conversations.
So I’ll have to prepare for the performance tomorrow.
Friday
This year they opted for “The Wizard of Oz”. Many kids were already dressed up for the roles that they want to play. Because I still haven’t watched the movie, it sorta seemed like I landed in a madhouse.
The music teacher, Mrs. Norton, wanted all of us to sing the national song in order to hear how we sound. I sang with other boys who were also forced here by their moms. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but she still picked me out of nowhere. Crap.
I had absolutely no idea what a “sopran” is, but as long as the girls were giggling, it couldn’t be anything good.
The audition was horrible. At the end, it will be decided who will play Dorothy, who was obviously a main role.
And in the first place came no other than Patty Farrell!
I suddenly had the idea to play the witch, because the witch was against Dorothy in every single way possible in the play.
But then others told me that there was a good witch and a bad witch, and they were going to let me play the good one.
Monday
I hoped that Mrs. Norton wouldn’t select me, but today she said that everyone who auditioned will get a role. Great.
Mrs. Norton showed us the film, so everybody could go through the story. I wanted to decide who I’m going to play, but it doesn’t matter that much. Because every character had to sing or dance in some way. But, when we were halfway through, I finally knew who I wanted to play: a tree, because, one, the trees don’t have to sing, and two, they can bomb Dorothy with apples.
For me, it was a lifelong dream of mine to be allowed to bomb Patty Farrell with apples in front of an audience. When this was at an end, I’m gonna have to thank my mom for forcing me in.
After the film ended, I signed up to be a tree. But unfortunately, quite a few of the other boys were thinking about the exact same thing. I suppose there’s quite a bit who want to make Patty Farrell into a chicken of some sort.
Wednesday
Yeah, just like what mom said: “Go for what you wish.” I’m now auditioning for a tree, but I don’t know if it’s a great idea anymore. The tree costumes don’t have any arm holes, so that means nothing with the apple throwing.
I should be glad that I got a role in time. Because there were too many candidates and not enough roles, they started to create roles.
Phillip James originally wanted to be the tin man, but now he’s playing a bush.
Friday
Did I say anything about being glad that I had a role? Today I realized, I only have a few words in the whole thing. For example, this is what I’m going to say when Dorothy picks an apple from my branch:
In other words: I have to sit here for two hours a day, only to say a few boring words.
Now I’m starting to think that Phillip James got lucky with the bush. He found out how to smuggle video games in there. With that, time definitely passes quicker.
So I tried to deliberately mess up, so Mrs. Norton could replace me. But when you only have a few words to work with, it’s really hard to do so.
