5
I didn’t have nicknames before. I mean, in school. But other than that, still none. My name is Maik Klingenberg. Maik. Not Maiki, not Klinge or other random shit, always just Maik. Except in year 6, where I was called Psycho for a bit. It’s not really exciting when you’re being called Psycho. But it didn’t last long, and I became Maik again.
When you don’t have any nicknames, there are usually two reasons. Either you’re boring as hell and just doesn’t manage to get any, or you don’t have any friends. If I were to choose one from the two for myself, I would, to be honest, like to have no friends than to be boring as hell. Because, if you’re boring, you automatically have zero friends, or you only have friends that are more boring than you.
There is a third possibility. It can be because you are boring and you don’t have any friends. And I’m afraid that’s my problem. Ever since Paul moved away. Paul was my friend from kindergarten, and we meet up almost every day, until his mom decided she wanted to live in nature.
That was about the time I came to junior high, and it didn’t make my life easier. I rarely see Paul from then. I would have to travel half of the world with the tram and then do another six kilometers with a bicycle. Other then that, Paul changed out there. His parents had divorced and he went crazy. I mean, really crazy. Paul now lives in the woods with his mother and is lost in the swamp. He always had this tendency to become lost in the swamp. You always had to push him. But nobody pushed him out there anymore and he is completely lost in the swamp. I’ve visited him at most three times. And every time, he was so depressed, I never wanted to go back. Paul showed me the house and the garden and the forest and a perch in the forest, which he always sat on to observe wildlife. Only thing, there are obviously no animals whatsoever. A sparrow would come by every two hours. And he even has a book about that. It was early in the year, just when GTA IV came out, but Paul wasn’t interested in that anymore. Only this rubbish. I had to sit on the perch with him for a whole day, and then it’s too boring for me. I secretly flipped through his book one time, just to see what was in it, because, there are a lot of random shit in there. Stuff about his mom and coded stuff, and there were drawings of naked women, very horrible drawings. No, I don’t mean anything against naked women, naked women are great. But these drawings definitely weren’t, they are just horrifying, and there were a few pages about animal observation and the weather in between. Paul saw wild boars, leopards and wolves at the end, wolves with a question mark, and I said: “It’s literally the outskirts of Berlin – leopards and wolves, are you really sure?” And he just grabbed the book from me and looked at me, like I was the wrong one. And then we didn’t see each other that often. It’s been three years. That was at some point my best friend.
I didn’t know anyone at school first. I’m not really good at knowing new people. And that hasn’t been a big problem for me. Until Tatjana Cosic came. Or until I noticed her. Because Tatjana was always in my class. But I first noticed her in year 7. Why is that so, I do not know. But in year 7 I fell for her head to toe, and then the whole thing started. And now, I should somehow start describing Tatjana. Because if not, everything after this will make no sense.
Tatjana’s first name is Tatjana and her last name is Cosic. She is fourteen years old and has a height of 1.65 meters, and her parents also have the same last name Cosic. I don’t know their first names. She comes from Serbia or Croatien, you can tell it from the name, and her family rented a white house with many windows. As you can see: I can’t go on for too long, but the surprising thing is, I don’t know what I’m talking about. Because, I don’t know Tatjana. I know her like everyone in the same class as her would. I know how she looks like, what her name is and that she’s good at PE and English. And so on. That her height is 1.65, I knew that from the physical exam day. Where she lives, I knew that from the telephone book, and I practically know nothing else. And I can logically also describe her appearence and her voice and her hair and all that. But I know, that’s not it. Because, everyone can describe her appearence: She looks super. Her voice is also super. She is just super. Everyone can do that.